I have a funny story to share. It's not embarrassing or anything, but I honestly don't think I have shared with anyone other than my sister and best friend, Jessica.
Think of a time when I was little. A time when I was actually under 5-feet tall (there was once a time) and I wore my air-dried hair down below my waist. During this time, I believed everything in New York City was free. There was a time when words like freedom and liberty meant I could shop without money. I know, it's funny. Because New York City had a statue of a green lady that symbolized freedom, I thought everyone loved that city because it was not just affordable, but free.
Fast-forward nearly fifteen years or so later and I know first-hand that this is not the case. I sometimes laugh because I feel like a part of me knew my destiny involved New York City even though I never let Holly Golightly or Serena van der Woodsen make me wish I lived in Manhattan. I was not one of those people. I honestly thought, even before I moved to North Carolina, that I would live and die in Miami. My whole world was that sunny city and why wouldn't it be? I was young and the rest of the world felt so faraway.
It's amazing how much has changed. I cannot see myself staying in one place for too long. I have visited too many cities, seen too much of the world (and yet, barely any of it) to feel like my destiny belongs in one destination. But I will say, like I have said before, I do feel like NYC is where I'm meant to be right now and probably for a few (many?) years to come. Of course, it's in God's hands. That's what I believe, anyway.
But I will say, did my destiny have to lead me to one of those most expensive cities in the country? My savings and salary would go a long way in a small town, but then again, my money would be in the bank but my sanity would be God knows where. I feel so alive here. The city and I are on the same wavelength and no amount of money can satisfy me the way that does.
Savings and money are obviously important and necessary. How could I pay my rent, metro card, phone bill, utilities, food, NYU, etc. without it? But I also have this reassuring feeling like life isn't actually all about money. While I budget and don't shop (which is hard, but I'm surviving... one day at a time) and I remain sane and frugal, I have learned that some of the best things in life are, in fact, free.
It costs me nothing to walk from work on the Upper East Side to my apartment in Midtown and see the sights. It costs me nothing to sit on one of those huge rocks in Central Park with a friend and talk about hopes and dreams. It costs me literally nothing to check out a book from the New York Public Library and read it anywhere I want in the city--my room, the subway, a park bench. I am finding joys in life that no amount of money in the world can give me or take away.
As I wrap up my first season in NYC--both literally and figuratively--I must say, I am so incredibly satisfied. For some reason, the word satisfaction means so much more to me than happiness. I am probably alone in this, but I don't know, it works. Happiness can be fleeting. I can be happy in the morning and then have a crappy encounter with someone on the subway and that happiness disappears until I can find it again in a puppy on the street. But satisfaction? Satisfaction is something that is around even if you're happy, angry, lonely, in love or stressed. Don't you agree? I feel like even though I miss my family and I hate missing moments with them, I have a purpose and a goal here, alone in this city. I am satisfied and yeah, I am happy too.
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